Now it has been extremely long since my last post here......sorry. But I'm trying to keep busy so I don't get depressed.😉

Nothing has really changed with me. I haven't gotten much better but also not worse. I manage to walk pretty well with a walker otherwise I spend all my time in a stupid wheel chair.

I spend/waste lots of time on Facebook. It has kept me available with many people I used to know. That really makes it worth while.And as in the former Journalspace days it's fun keeping up with everyone.

My oldest granddaughter, Tamara, is now studying at a university! 😁  Time really flies! Otherwise, my parents have both died in the mean time, ok, they were already pretty sick. Much worse news was that my oldest brother, Robert, died of heart problems 😭But that's life......can't change it. We will all go down that road sooner or later.

Ok, enough for the moment. I have lots of reading to catch up on....

Dorrie

It's been a LONG time since I've written here....sorry

Yes, it's been much too long since I've wriiten anything.

As most of you know, I now live in my own home, no longer the care home (too depressing). My life is a lot better, but still not perfect. I have a couple of full time care gals from Poland....the last two were/are fantastic!

Weather is turning winter, with lots of rain (which we really need). I'm being kept fairly busy, one reason why I haven't been posting here. So, what do I do all day? Watch TV, try to read some books, and now it's time for me to get off here again. I will TRY to write more often, but I at least get to read Facebook every day and keep up with most of you there. It's not Journalspace (nothing compares with Journalspace) and yes, I still miss that site! But at least with Facebook I still keep track of most of my former JS friends.

OK, off I go.....sorry.

Dorrie/Westy

Watching the slow decay, first written 2. Jan. 2009

Watching the slow decay.....

first written on Jan. 2, 2009

Mom and I sit, as usual, in the living room. The television is on in the background. She’s sitting in “her” chair, located in front of her now seldom used computer. It’s an older model, one of dad’s “hand-me-downs”.

I’m sitting next to her in dad’s big, comfy chair while he’s in the back room playing on his computer.

I arrived on New Years Day. Upon my arrival, mom knew who I was. Yet I have already noticed a few of her “slips” that my brother, Carl, and his wife, Alice, had warned me about.

.

Then she asks where I live. “Germany”, I answer.

“Where are you going from here?” she asks.

I reply as neutral yet as truthful as possible, “Back home to Germany.”

“oh, Dorrie lived in Germany, but she moved. I have no idea where she is now.”  There is no point in trying to correct her.

An empty tissue box lies on the table in front of her. In it are a few papers, a framed picture of my niece, Cassie, and her boyfriend, Anthony, plus some pencils, pens, and small scissors. Mom points to the picture.

“I don’t know the names. They left here and forgot to take the picture with them.”

“I think that’s Cassie and her boyfriend (who I haven’t met yet so I’m assuming.”

“They forgot to take it with them.” Mom insists.

“Mom, it was a present for you to keep.”

“Write the names down, I have to return it, they forgot it.” She hands me an empty envelope, I write down “Cassandra” and give it to her. She takes the picture together with the envelope and marches to the back room where dad is sitting.”

“I have to tell “that guy” (meaning dad).” Dad repeats what I had told her, but she won’t listen and gets mad because no one listens to her.

“They gave it to you as a present, to hang up somewhere,” I repeat. “Let’s find a place where we can hang it.”

“No! It’s not going here!” she then insists, since she doesn’t accept this place as her home. She then places it face down on her dresser, so it won’t get forgotten when she “goes home”.

She returns to her chair and her tissue box. She begins to sort the papers in the box. I also notice her placing the pencils and scissors into envelopes. I suggest she put them in the cup with other pen which sits next to the computer.

“But then they’ll be forgotten when I go home,” she whines. I humor her by telling her that the cup can be taken home with her as well. She thinks about that for a moment and accepts, then continues sorting the stuff in the box.

Later I’m sitting, writing in a notepad. The lighting isn’t great and she asks, “How can you see there, Dorrie?”

She again recognized me.

Finally an up date....

Tales of an „old Folks home“

Written May 31, 2016; continued June 6

For almost 3 years now I’ve been living in an „old folks care home“. The reason is, not my age but I need care after surviving that very stupid airplane crash on March 2, 2013 and since then I’m committed to a wheelchair. I was almost paralyzed.

The people who work here are all quite nice, but living among other sick people, many of them old and „dement/Alzheimer“ cases get really frustrating at times. I’m just too young to live here. With the help of my kids, especially my daughter, Regina, I should be moving into a new home in August 2016. YES!!

It’s very difficult to watch some of those “oldies”, they can’t really be blamed….it’s a horrible situation to be in. No one voluntarily gets dement or suffers Alzheimer, but it gets so sad to watch these people get worse and worse over time.

We have luckily a good kitchen here. Some people eat their meals at their floor, but most go down to the main dining room. And here it at times gets very narrow because of all the wheel chairs and walkers. Most manage, but some have big problems getting around.

Let me give you some samples:

Mr. Zoll.: a former high school teacher. His wife is also here but they now are in separate rooms (I heard she, a dement person, threw him out). He’s generally quite nice but sometimes gets loud and complains. But I’ve learned to ignore such behavior…he doesn’t act like that on purpose.

Then of course there are the deaths that are expected in such homes…..

They offer lots of activities here but nothing of real interest to me, like playing Rummy. I used to really enjoy rummy, but here it’s boring!

January 2018

Well, my move went well….my house is great!! (thank you Regina). I have a Polish care person living with me, which really makes life easy. Normally they change every 2 months but 2 of them were not too good and won’t be coming any more. My present one, Renate, is simply marvelous! She speaks German well, which is great….my last one spoke it hardly at all and that made life quite difficult. I have no idea who will come after March when Renate returns home. Oh well, something will work out. Being in my own home I can invite people over and go for walks into town, when weather permits, for shopping or town activities (like the Christmas or Easter markets). There’s always my care person there to push my wheel chair. At the old folks’ home no one had time ☹. That home is now pretty much booked solid with around 80 people living there yet care people not increased (a problem all over Germany).

Some dancers from my old dance classes came to visit me which was so nice, but some are dead in the meantime.

Soon it’ll be my birthday and I want to have a party like I did last year! I’m trying to keep busy….I read a lot and watch TV or videos or check the internet (like facebook). I have tons of books to read!! Some in German, some in English. And my kids come to visit often, which they couldn’t do in my first care home…it was too far away.

I also have much of my former belongings (dishes, clothes, etc.) Unfortunately, some stuff got lost in my last moves. *sniff* That Storage place I mentioned in an earlier post is torn down in the mean time and I think a lot of my stuff (like furniture and boxes of books, etc.) got thrown out.

Being in a wheel chair I’m restricted in travels….

I have a therapist who comes twice in the week and another one who comes once a week. With them I practice walking with a walker or on crutches! And it works, but I won’t be able to walk without help. There are good days when I think I could, but when I try then I realize it doesn’t work…..darn.

I also have a cat, Nellie, again. She was already 8 years old when I got her. No, she can’t compare to Shila, but she’s a good cat, very cuddly.

I have an Instagram account (I still try to keep involved in the internet lol) in the meantime, there you can see pictures of Nellie.

Here: https://www.instagram.com/dorrievancleef/

My biggest problem (besides not being able to walk) are meals, there are just too many foods I don’t like (mushrooms, fish, many vegetables) which makes it difficult for my care persons to cook.

My ex lives just around the corner and often comes by to help with something, which I really appreciate.

Today is Sunday…ugh (stores closed TV program terrible).

sorry....it's been a while

I thought I'd finally make a newpost! I have plenty of time to post, just no real motivation...sorry folks!

I'm still living in a care home, whih does have its advantages. But living evey day with old folk, many who are "suffering" demencia or Alzheimer, really gets annoying.

Physically I'm doing MUCH better...no constant pain (what a relief). I can even walk, with the help of a walker and therapist.

If all goes well, I'll be moving again in August....this time into my own home! YES! A care-person will be hired to move in with me. I so hope we find a nice one.

So, enough new news for today.... I do get tired very quickly.

I never thought I would praise facebook, but it helps me keep up-dated with everyone...

Dorrie/Westy

When fate almost kills you

as most of you know, I had a bad airplane accident on March 2, 2013. The pilot died of his injuries----I survived (when you see the pictures.....you wonder that they rescued me at all). Sorry but typing on my laptop is difficult so please be patient with me. More to come.........

(the picture accidently got removed....grrrrrrrr)

I miss Shila.....

On Januar 15, 2013, my lovely kitty, Shila, died in her sleep. She had been ill for some days and since she was nearly 18 yrs old we expected that it wouldn't be long. She was the best cat anyone could wish for .... I was always amazed at how clever she was and you could look her in the eye and tell she could THINK, just like humans.

I miss her approaching me when I come home. And when I think about her last days, I start crying as if she was a child I had lost (ok, in some ways she was ... pets can definitely become adapted family members, and are often emotionally closer then some family members). No, I won't get a new cat.... any cat would just get compaired to Shila and none can compare!

This is one of my favorite pictures of her, when she still had two eyes (we had to remove the left one in December 2012).

"Helping" me do a puzzle..... 2012

She died while sleeping in her favorite basket....

In other news..... 2012 was a year of so many changes that I need to write a dozen entries to get you guys up-dated! Maybe some day I'll get the blogging mood again. I just hope that 2013 will be a bit more relaxing..... but knowing my life, it won't be!

Dorrie